kiwifruit's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- She�s up, She�s down, She�s all around This morning I went for an interview as a pre-school teaching assistant at St. Anne�s in Brooklyn Heights. Ah yes, the children are so lovely you want to nibble on their rosy cheeks. So wide eyed and open and unspoiled. Obviously I have no business being there right now, all jaded and angry and fueled on caffeine and cigarettes. But I�d thought I�d give it a try anyway. Once there I confirmed my doubts�this is not what I want to do with my life and right now. It seems unlikely that I would drag my sorry ass out of bed at 7am and make it to Brooklyn to be some sort of positive role model. I mean circle time and nap time and snack time are all lovely concepts but when you can�t abide by them as an adult, how are you supposed to talk little kids into doing it? I mean honestly. All the people that worked there seemed just as rosy cheeked and optomistic as their little charges. It kind of made me ill. So I left agreeing that I would sub here and there but no full time happy happy, joy joy for me just now. Looks like I will continue my career as hostess with the mostess. I�m also going in for an interview at a clothing store downtown. Yes, yes I know I will spend all my salary with my discount, but it�s better than no discount at all right? I mean there is some rhyme to this reason. Another week of ups and downs. After Sunday�s conversation with C. I opened a whole new floodgate and it was none too pleasant. But after I stopped returning his phone calls and emails (all sent or dialed in regards to a stupid plane ticket to St. Thomas that obviously I won�t be using) I feel much better. Absence makes it sting a little less. It�s more like I was hit by a bus now, less like I was stabbed in the heart. I spent much of this week at the restaurant and one night in Patrick�s bed. Yeah, you read it right. But y�know�recycling doesn�t really count. And nothing happened. Really. I met him for a drink after work one night and he insisted on feeding me. Brought me home and made a yummy spinach salad with chicken and de-molded cheese, then put me to bed in his loft �nest� with him next to me. We cuddled a bit and slept. I woke up to a cup of cappuccino being offered to me bedside�I always did like his coffee. I�ll admit, it was major d�j� vu but other than that, no big heart swoons or anything. It was, quite simply, nice. I have no idea what�s in his head right now but something tells me he likes this new embittered Caedlighe who wants nothing to do with any kind of committed relationship or any of that messy love crap. See? It works out well for everyone involved. Sigh. I�m off tonight and have a hot date with boss-man. I�m looking forward to being spoiled and pampered and waited on. It�s been a while. Well, it�s been since the last time he took me to dinner. La di da. La di da. 4:28 p.m. - 2002-12-13 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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