kiwifruit's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- How much is enough? Why is it that the more �evolved� we become, the more we see wrong with our lives? A year or so ago I was more than happy to trip through life buying shoes and sipping colorful cocktails out of martini glasses. Now I am hungry for so much more. And the more that I �accomplish�, the more �healthy� things I do for myself, the more anxiety ridden I become about all the things in my life that aren�t healthy, that aren�t accomplished. It seems to me that women in their 30s are so busy trying to have it all (�having it all� meaning different things to different people) that we are eternally filling our schedules with yoga classes, book clubs, museum visits, dinners with friends, self-help trend of the moment meetings, craft of the moment lessons, language courses, photography courses, therapy, beautification appointments, vegetarian cooking classes, and on and on and on. If, for one moment we aren�t doing something, anything, to enrich ourselves or better ourselves we suddenly become filled with a deep sense of panic and failure. Maybe we just can�t stand the thought of actually spending even an hour with ourselves doing absolutely nothing? And then there is the other side of that coin, the one that I find myself flipping to far too often�we are so overwhelmed with all that we could or should be doing that we simply throw our hands up in the air in complete defeat and end up sitting in front of the computer screen playing The Sims for hours on end and chain smoking. Someone please tell me I am not alone in all of this. I mean I already went to yoga for an hour and a half today, cleaned the kitchen, picked up my copy of IN COLD BLOOD for my book club meeting, dropped of the laundry and the dry cleaning, made plans with one girlfriend for tonight and backup plans with another, read the Times, wrote my �minimum� three pages�and yet I feel like an total phony. Considering another yoga class�am I insane or just desperately in need of full time work? La di da. La di da. 5:21 p.m. - 2002-10-15 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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