kiwifruit's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Love is a self-fulfilling prophecy ARRRGGGG! Here is my problem (well, okay, I have many, but here is the one I will bitch & moan about today). I have been fantasizing about this guy ... * Feel free to roll your eyes and make gagging noises here (as in AGAIN?!!? ALREADY!! The body isn't even cold yet)* ... this is the guy who I won't give a name cuz it will just confuse everyone. He is great. A great person. Very smart. Very urban. Very cute. Talented (has a band & is a designer). My age (well 31 - close enough). Mature. Blah, blah, blah. So I figured he wouldn't be interested in me. This is not because I am a disgusting pig, it is because I thought he might see my behavior and run away screaming ... I am scary, yes I am. But instead we have been becoming friends (of sorts) and sharing stories and being generally nice and decent to eachother. And he kind of makes me feel goofy and nervous and kind of good at the same time. He doesn't make me dizzy or unable to breathe or want to cry like Industrial boy, he actually makes me happy. So we have been exchanging emails and the like ... and now (oh God) we are supposed to meet for a drink tonight at 8pm (which is just an hour and a half away). We have been for drinks before but only with the insulation of co-workers and such (yeah, yeah I know stop flirting with the office boys Kiwi). So ... now it's just us and I want to throw up I am so nervous. What to do? What to do? I can't lie to this guy, I can't be anyone but myself and in general this is a good thing but I feel stripped bare. I feel like one of those awful dreams where you go to school or the office naked. What have I gotten myself in to? I always do this ... I flirt with guys I think will never like me because why the hell not?!!? Then they actually ask me out and I want to throw myself in front of a moving train I am such a nervous wreck. It is so much easier, ladies and gents, to date someone you don't really like. Feh ... words of wisdom from a serial dater. I have to run home and pour some vodka down my throat before I meet this guy so I can calm down. On a calmer note ... Have I said how much my parents rock? (Shameless ass-kissing here). My father has overlooked his disdain of writing classes to join forces with my mother and I am getting writing classes for my 30th birthday - October 5th y'all. Libra. Libra. Wouldn't want to be ya. I am thrilled. I am sure that publishers will be knocking down my door in no time. Well ... not really, but it sounds good don't it? Okay... I am off to face the music. Wish me luck. Get ready to scrape up the pieces ... La di da. La di da. 19:26:37 - 2000-08-22 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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