kiwifruit's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The dumped and the dumpee Once again, no one says it better than our dear nichole, who is a goddess and fixed my damn html today too! i love her i love her, i love here... she rawks! she rawks!
I did try to be just as diplomatic and full of heart as she was though in my conversation with Adam this morning. Still, he didn't take it very well. I think this is a uniquely male phenomenon. The refusal to hear what is being said (repeatedly) to you. I have been dumped. I am not immune to the pain and humiliation of this experience. In fact, thanks to a certain monster (Jason you disgusting pig), I can still feel the sting of such an event. Admittedly the events involved in the Jason dumping are much more traumatic than the situation with Adam. I did not stick my dick in someone else (assuming I had a dick), and then lie and deny and lie and tell the other person it was really all their fault. Of course, I was stupid enough to believe it, so go figure. Any-hoo ... I have swerved violently off-track here. Adam is hurt. He refuses to let go of this (two month) relationship. I try and tell him that it isn't fair to either of us if I cannot give him what he wants in a relationship (one thing - commitment). It seems painfully obvious. And continuing in the relationship just makes me feel like a bad person (which I am not). Yes, I may be superficial, self-absorbed, and so on ... But a BAD person I am not. So, going to Adam's after bowling (Don't ask - somehow NYers think bowling is some "cool" thing to do. They obviously didn't grow up in Northern Vermont where it is really the only thing to do. So I must go to Bowl more lanes with my co-workers and eat chicken wings and drink free beer until I want to hurl MYSELF down the lane instead of the stupid ball. Of course, I do kind of like the shoes in some sick, sick way). I have to pick up my stuff at his house so I can make a clean break. He insists that I take time to "think about" things.
* Interruption ... the love of my office life was just peering over my shoulder. I made some desperate attempt to cover the screen and push him away managing to knock a big, juicy slice of cantaloupe out of his hand onto the floor (very smooth).*
Back to Adam ... tonight ought to be a fun one. What could top off an evening of bowling like a nice break-up chat? Ooh goody.
Last night was heavenly. I dragged my sorry ass to the gym and moaned through a sculpting class run by a she-devil. Went home and ate soup (Progresso is favorite make at home meal). Went to bed with three new copies of New York Mag - meaning three crossword puzzles. My sheets felt so good, my pillows, my dirty Indian print jammies, my wool socks. Heaven!
The rest of my week isn't looking so relaxing. Plans every night. But I am going to Connecticut this weekend to visit Chree and Hetty which will be a peaceful and welcome change. It's not the Hamptons but then again, they are just Manhattan only with a beach and worse traffic.
I got a response from vivianlives.com,
saying that they would welcome my submissions (story wise). So now I have to think of something terribly clever to write. Suggestions anyone?
15:14:53 - 2000-06-13 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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