kiwifruit's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- My life as a dog. Come to think of it .... Thursdays are a drag too. Meeting at 5:30, although it is 5:29 now and I see no signs of people gathering in a meeting-ready kind of way. Arg. Only means more time for me to sit here and feel like I want to die. Late night. I will save the details for tomorrow because at present time I cannot bear to delve in to the shame I feel. I can only say I am surely going to go straight to hell. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. The one way express train, concorde plane to hell. Hell where I will rot forever being forced to wear acid washed jeans and listen to NSync and Brittney Spears for hours on end. Just to quell any speculation - NO. I did NOT sleep with the investment banker. Please, I may be a sinner but I am not a scum bag. Meetin Adam tonight which only makes me more tired. Called him this morning moaning about how I was not fit for a relationship in any way shape or form. He merely told me I was being ridiculous - is this guy a saint or what? Or maybe he is just an uncaring lout - who knows? Must get myself out of this mess somehow. To make matters worse Jon called this morning and since his number doesn't show up on my cell phone's caller ID I answered. Here I am, hung over, guilt ridden, shaking like a leaf and I hear "Caedlighe it's Jon". Kind of threw me for a loop. Started sweating and talking a mile a minute. The highlights of the conversation: He still misses me, wants to see me (Used the stupid - "I still have some of your stuff" excuse. Like what? Probably an old pair of holey just for my period panties. Oh yeah, he has that big brown JCrew sweater that I stold from that music teacher I slept with when I worked at Brewster - whatever, think I can survive without it.) Told me he was worried about me (puleez), asked me about my dating life (is it ANY of his business who I am sleep ing with?!!? I think not ladies and gents), asked me if I was being "careful" which coming from him is a big fat joke (which I told him, and he took offense and that was the end of our conversation). Ta-da. Loose wants me to change my phone number or some such thing. Really it's not worth it. Tomorrow night out with Samara and Liz. Going to Nell's to see a friend DJ. This only means that Mozzarella (this Italian stallion that I lusted after many months ago) will be there. I believe my parting words to him were something charming like "You're scum" though so this is probably a dead end crush. This is a good thing I suppose, I really don't need any more men in my life. Gotta go, it is 5:45 and this meeting may actually happen. So ... I will be back tomorrow to share my pain and make all who read this feel like superior beings. 18:47:10 - 2000-06-08 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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