kiwifruit's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- subway sickness Nothing like a good four day weekend to... make you sick as a dog. Yesterday morn, on the train ... crammed in like cattle. Head stuffed in some strangers arm pit. Trying to finish In the Fall (which has taken me two months to read). I am already cranky. Nothing like going back to work after a nice, long break. Makes you want to kill yourself (either that or marry rich). So I start to feel a bit queasy - okay not to worry, I am the subway equivalent of car sick - put the book away. Start to feel REALLY queasy. Decide never to smoke a cigarette on the way to the train station again. Start to feel super-duper-fly queasy. Panic. I may hurl right here on the train. Body starts feeling as if it has pins and needles marching through my veins. Ooooh, this is not good. Consider asking someone for their seat. Ha! Reconsider, this is NY. Vision starts to go. Spotty, blurry, then nothing at all - just black. REALLY panicking now. Sweating like a pig. I mean, it is actually DRIPPING off my face. More panic. Only two stops to Bway Lafayette. Of course I can't see, so getting off the train will be interesting. Manage to try and look like a normal commuter, keep telling myself DO NOT throw up, DO NOT pass out. Make it to Bway. Stumble off, find a bench. SIT. Vision comes back, I can breathe again, sweat dries up. Walk very gingerly up the stairs. Run and get ice coffee. Call Adam. Call mom. Go to work. Immediately turn around and go home (subway again) but a seat this time. Get home. Go to bed. Try to read but I am too weak to hold my book up (?!!?). Go to sleep. Sleep until 6PM. Adam comes over and tries to feed me something but I am a mess. Stressed about missing work, stressed about not going to the gym, stressed about what the hell is wrong with me. I end up crying. He says - "Gee, maybe you're stressed out." - Ya think?!!? Okay, obvious question ... am I pregnant? Spent Monday at Aris and Anika's with all the beautiful coupled people and their children. Got to hold a baby, got all schmaltzy. But I don't think baby hormones can rub off on me and make their way directly to my uterus. Or can they? There is the more obvious route. But I have been very responsible, and it seems unlikely. So ... if I'm not with child. Then I must be dying. I could make myself super sick worrying about all the things that could be wrong with me. Adam is in a deep seated panic, I think he would prefer a terminal illness to fatherhood. Felt ill this morning. Train ride was hell. But maybe I was just nervous of a repeat performance of yesterday. Feeling somewhat better now. I am not about to run a marathon (or even walk or crawl one) but ... Going to Doctor D tomorrow. Will let her poke and prod me while I sit there and pray to whoever might listen to not let it be something awful. But I may have scared myself in to feeling better because I actually ate lunch today and feel somewhat okay now. Going to dinner at Marty and Gabe's maybe if I look pathetic enough or break down in to tears they will take pity on me and find me a home. Somehow I doubt it, but I can dream right? Much more to tell of my past weekend adventures ... but will have to wait until tomorrow as I am off to brave the subway yet again. 19:10:17 - 2000-05-31 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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