kiwifruit's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Out with the old... New year�s day. 8 AM. Outside it is warm and rainy. Last night�s dress is tucked under my arm, my hair is pulled back, my face is scrubbed clean. I walk to the corner deli and order the usual�large coffee, extra milk, one equal�no bag, just a napkin please. The streets are deserted. It has never been easier to catch a cab in the rain. Ahhh�happy new year. It�s a brand new day. It�s a brand new life. As time passes I forget what it was like to always have a warm body in bed next to me. I forget what it was like to be showered with kisses every morning. I forget what it was like to lie in bed arguing about whose turn it was to go to the bagel store. I forget what it felt like to hear his key in the lock, to spend Sundays walking through the village holding hands, to run in the park together. Yes, I miss him. I miss being in love with him. But what can you do? If someone doesn�t love you anymore you have to accept that. You have to try and make up for this lack of love by loving yourself that much more. Today I will travel down to East 8th Street and paint my new bedroom a cheerful, dusty pink. I will haul my matching plastic bag luggage down and hang my clothes in the closet. I will take Margaret out of storage and hang her on my wall. I will buy new bedding. Bedding that doesn�t remind me of C. or anyone else. Bedding with scalloped edges and cabbage roses. Bedding that obviously belongs to a girl. This is my life. This is MY life. Saturday morning at some ungodly hour I leave for Miami. Hopefully the weather will cooperate and I will return to New York tanned and relaxed and ready to take on this new life. New job. New apartment. New year. 11:30 a.m. - 2003-01-01 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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