kiwifruit's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Happy, happy, Joy, joy The self-fulfilling prophecy. I am the Queen of mucking things up. If things seem to be going too well in my relationship, I am gripped by a panic. If it feels this good, then just imagine how bad it�s going to feel when I don�t have it anymore. Because you know, relationships never work out right? So, instead of having to deal with any kind of inevitable heartbreak, I just decide to cut right to the chase. Course the result of this action is the pleasure of being both heartbroken (can�t avoid that pesky little annoyance) and the added bonus of knowing that it�s basically all your fault. As my best friend said to me this weekend, �It�s nice to see you so dedicated to something, so determined� (insert dripping sarcasm here). But it�s true. I�ll destroy my relationship with C. if it�s the last thing I do damn it. After all, don�t we all need goals? Really. I make myself sick. Another word of sage wisdom from best friend: �The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again�. Now this could be taken one of two ways. I told her that if that was indeed the case, then we are all insane, because don�t we go back out there over and over again? After having our hearts ripped out by the self-absorbed artsy �musician� type, the ski-bum, the Wall Street jack ass. Don�t we lick our wounds, pick the pieces of our hearts, and guts, and general ooziness up off the floor, dust ourselves off, go buy some shoes we can�t afford, and head into the battlefields again? Insane. Every one of us. Now C. is not perfect, but he�s pretty damn good. And maybe just this once I can keep my insecurity and cynicism at bay long enough to relax a little and enjoy this. Right. Anyway. Can you tell I�ve got a little case of the �Sunday Blues�. Weekend over. Far too short. And C. and I had a bit of a spat on Friday. And since I am convinced that any little spat is the beginning of the end, I�m a little cranky. And there�s nothing on TV. And the girls were here this weekend, which was lovely, but we had to eat vegan food for two straight days and I really don�t think that tofu does my stomach any favors. Course, it could also be the two glasses of wine, two Amstels, and vodka soda I drank last night while we boogied down at bOb. Gee, ya think? Oh, and Thanksgiving is this week. Which is my least favorite day of the year. Because a holiday all about food seems like a cruel joke designed to make people like me have a nervous break down. (I know, I know, it�s supposed to be about giving thanks but let�s get real here). Okay, sourpuss is leaving now. Ta! 7:19 p.m. - 2001-11-18 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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