kiwifruit's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- PMS is Very Interesting and Exciting, But it's Not Fun I�ve decided that I am no longer a very fun person. I am sitting here at 10pm making a HUGE mistake. Drinking tea. Full caff tea, no sissy decaf shite for me. Will surely be seeing little girls in wedding veils who look like old women scampering around later tonight. But I WANT the tea. And I am in my jammies so I don�t want to walk to the deli and get tea that won�t make me want to crawl out of my skin later. I can see my father �tsk, tsking� and shaking his head � no wonder I�m so stressed out. No wonder I�m not sleeping. Yeah well � what can I say? But I digress. What I was saying is that I�m no longer a very fun person. I don�t think. At least as I read back over past entries I sound a lot more interesting. Maybe I�m just a good writer. And now that I spend a lot of my day writing inane, stupid pieces (�Blue Moon� - Denim Dressing for Nighttime) for dotcomedy � maybe now I am no longer a good writer (Pet Peeves About Men, Trend of the Moment � blah, blah, blah). Or maybe I really am no longer fun, or interesting. Or maybe I�m so busy I don�t have the time to make myself sound fun or interesting. Because there is lots happening. From last entry I�m sure you can gather that it�s not all �fun�, and I guess it could be categorized as �interesting� if you found cancer interesting. Which I don�t. I�ve decided that one should never read over old journal entries. One will always feel either extremely ashamed of how pathetic they sound (that long string of meaningless relationships to be topped off by the heart wrenching love sickness of Patrick � very sad), or one will end up feeling like they are no longer interesting because it seems like they used to do more fun things. Either way, it�s humbling. Had around fifty near nervous breakdowns today. Now that my period is visiting me on a somewhat regular basis, PMS is also visiting. Never really understood PMS. Thought it was a huge cop out. Thought it was a big lie. I apologize profusely for this misconception. Was obviously very wrong. What astounds me is how VIOLENT I feel when PMS strikes. Came very close to pummeling poor C. this weekend when I had to wait for my ice coffee Saturday morning. Driving through East Hampton on the way to Montauk we passed not one but (at least) three little coffee shops before we found one with a parking spot. By this time I was (really and truly) close to tears. Could not function. Then almost ripped the head off young girl in local deli because she kept touching me when she had to walk past me to re-stock whatever it was that needed re-stocking. I was in the middle of making my big gulp size ice coffee perfect. Just the right amount of milk, no equal available only sweet n� low which I strongly believe is the most disgusting thing on earth. Had to use real sugar (grrrrr), then there was that touching. Really almost sent me over the edge. Yes, Kiwi is very scary while PMSing. Can�t manage to smile at people on the street. Maybe I�m just becoming a �real New Yorker�. Needless to say, work today at the dotcomedy was very difficult. Wanted to kill someone. Felt all woozy and nauseous. Couldn�t concentrate on my enlightening piece on wearing denim at night. But I pulled through and managed. Went to gym and ran like my life depended on it (which it may very well have). Felt better tonight. Was actually quite pleasant to C. Lovely live in boyfriend brought home dinner and it was everything that I like to eat. He is so good it makes me want to cry. Course, everything makes me want to cry (or kill) right now. Soooooo � summer is winding down. The September issue of Vogue hit the newsstand today. Linda E. is making her big come back. Well, well, well. Only two more weekends of our house on Shelter Island. Then I will go home to Vermont and try to make myself useful (or something). Then I will go to Italy. Surely this is the life of an interesting person. Okay, must go to bed and get in some good reading time and some crunching with my beautiful boyfriend who is downstairs in bed right now just waiting for my PMSing self to come down so he can hug me and I can feel like everything is perfect. Ta! 10:44 p.m. - 2001-08-20 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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