kiwifruit's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Fire Island/ Motel-O Kismet, Fire Island/Motel-O We catch the train at 8:30pm on Friday night, we cuddle. There is a sudden explosion of bad smell. We think maybe the barking dog in the car in front of us has exploded shit all over the floor. You investigate. No dog explosions. People two seats behind us eating a Tupperware container of salmon and old broccoli. Everyone has covered their noses and is making gagging noises - the people eat away unaffected. We cover out faces with my sweater laughing and try to do the crossword puzzle. Then we are on the ferry and I feel like I am in another world. It is so quiet and dark all I can hear is the ocean, all I can see are the lights beach houses and the docks. I am far, far away from the city, I have no cell phone service - and I haven't panicked once. Sigh. Here is what we did: Went to a crazy party where everyone (not us) was dancing in various stages of undress. Took a midnight swim in phosphorescent water. Took (several) outdoor showers. Ate real food (as in cooked by people I knew) - very impressed by your cooking skills. And of course, I now know why everyone in the house has dubbed you smoothie king (no, not cuz you're so smooth). Kissed alot. Talked alot. Drank many fruity drinks. Read almost an entire book, several fashion magazines, the entire Sunday Times, and completed a crossword puzzle. Talked more. Kissed more. Stood on our heads in the sand. Learned to play 5000. Won 5000. Basked in the sun for two full days. Floated on a huge blow up mattress in the middle of the ocean. Got very tan. Slept in a sandy bed with a mosquito net (very gothic romance). Traded childhood stories, New York stories, book discussions, music discussions, movie discussions, fashion discussions, relationship discussions, meaningless discussions, with everyone in the house (Motel-O). Went for walks. Gazed stupidly in to each other's eyes and made everyone sick. And so on ... It was amazing. It was heavenly. It was perfect. I could try not to fall in love - but I think it would be a mute point. I have never met anyone whom I felt was so perfect for me. I have never met anyone who I thought was such an amazing good person. I have never met anyone who makes me feel so good about myself. He makes me feel like I am capable of anything. He makes me want to do all the things I have been talking about doing forever. And he is smart, and creative, and open-minded, and genuine, and knows everything about music and reads real books, and likes good movies, he is funny, he is affectionate, he loves New York, he likes cats, he likes kids, he loves to take pictures, and, and, and ( I could go on forever). Suffice to say, he is an amazing human being. Exceptional really. And oh yeah, he is fucking beautiful ... really, really beautiful. I realize that all this doesn't automatically make me immune to heartbreak. It doesn't mean I will always feel this way. But just being able to feel it for the time being is so refreshing and makes me see what a waste of time it is to settle for something that isn't as wonderful as all this (although I can honestly say in my 29 years I have only felt this maybe once or twice before). So if I hadn't settled here and there I would have been a pretty lonely (and undersexed soul). And have I thought about how I will feel if this all falls apart? Of course. I think about it. And I think of all the games I should be playing (the ones where I play hard to get, where I act like I am not totally crazy about everything about him). But honestly, I would rather be honest and true and myself. If this kicks me in the ass, then at least I know that I did all I could. I cannot lie to this person. I could never cheat on this person. I can't even pretend with this person. I am shocked. I have been hit by a Mack truck. And I am glowing - and everyone who knows what's going on is happy for me, and everyone who doesn't know wonders what the hell I have been putting in my coffee. So ... I am going home to Vermont for the weekend. I am so excited for a mother/daughter weekend. I haven't been back in six months (or more). Two weekends in a row out of NYC. Shocking. Looking forward to some scrabble, some good food, some green trees, maybe some sun, some long talks, some wine, some shopping, and some good hugs from Mom. Sigh. Oh ... and Patrick is going to drive with me, stay a night, go see HIS mom in Maine and then drive back to the big city with me. Heh ... forgot to mention that one. I won't even go in to the possible trip we are taking at the end of September ... I don't want to reveal too much lovesick craziness all at once. All I will tell you is that I will need a passport, a bikini, and my mambo dance skills. Ooooh... gotta run. 19:30:48 - 2000-08-29 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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