kiwifruit's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Deep thoughts will kill ya ... I'm back ... the remainder of the story really only comes out to the simple fact that I blessedly passed out and avoided all committment conversation with Michael. The next morning he mentioned that the only "real problem" he could see us having is that eventually he wants to move to Colorado and I do not. In fact, I can't think of any place I would be more miserable - I hate being cold, I snowboard but only begrudgingly, I hate all those healthy, tanned people, I am not a HUGE fan of the outdoors (Central Park is enough for me). No, no, no. It will never happen. I am from Vermont. I am all to familar with beautiful scenery and ski bums. Yuck. I can't even begin to describe how violently determined I am on this subject. Besides ... haven't I heard this all before? From now on I will date only men who love New York as much as I do. (yeah right) I called Industrial to apologize for my behavior (although I am not really sure WHY I should apologize), I said I was erasing his number from my cell phone so I could never do such a thing again (did I? Of course not, I am not that strong - but I should). So once again I have sworn him off (I do this every day). He called and left me a message Sunday night (phone was off, having Indian food with Michael), but does he ask me out?!!? Does he acknowledge that I have intimate knowledge of his mouth/ tongue and other such things ... Okay, enough already. In other news ... I got my raise! I may actually make enough to live like a normal human being in NYC now (oh joy). And work is going very well. I got my big project done and I heard good things about what I had done. So ... after an entire week (two?) of feeling that I was not worthy of any kind of job (other than fast food preparation or something), I finally feel good again and somewhat confident. The confidence is of course shot by the zit that has developed on my face. Come on ... someone feel my pain here. It is in the most unsightly of places and I have spackled on enough cover up to brick and mortar an entire room. Last night after seeing the girls I went home and performed emergency surgery on my face ... hot compress, picking, squeezing, alcohol swab, toothpaste ... it looks a bit better today, but really it is disconcerting. Now I know Nick will tell me it is about time I had one of these blemishes from hell - but I feel that no time is the right time. I am sure it is just my penance for being such a lush on Saturday night (and passing out in my full made up glory). Gotta go back to work ... getting the nails/toes done tonight and sleeping. I woke up this morning at 5:45 AM with a cat jumping on my head, unable to sleep I went for a run in the park, felt so clean and sober I ate a scone. Now I want to go back to bed. Now ... before I leave here is my question ... we have a friend who I like very much. Actually she is more a friend of Sam's than mine. She is beautiful, smart, charming ... here is the issue: she has a boyfriend (together for a year) and she cheats on him constantly. I am not talking a little make out session here and there, I am talking full on sex and other such weird things people do while naked and sweaty. I understand fully WHY she does this, it is where all my fear of commitment stems from - if you give yourself to one person who is to say that someone even more wonderful will show up the next day? Or the next week? Wouldn't it be nice to have all the benefits of a serious relationship and still be able to fondle other random men? But ... how does she live with herself? Doesn't her conscious get to her? How does she look this boyfriend in the eye? Are some people just able to look past this? Or do they get all full of self-hatred and icky bile-like stuff inside? I wonder .... Something to ponder ... 10:18:40 - 2000-07-18 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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