kiwifruit's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- a weekend in the boonies Monday. Oh christ, oh sweet jesus. I HATE Monday. There is no reason whatsoever to torture us so. Mondays make me hate Sundays. There has to be some escape from the crippling depression that strikes me Sunday afternoon at around 2pm when I realize what is in store for me. My weekend... Went to New Hampshire. One day of sun, lolled about, took two hours to eat a bagel and coffee with Hetty and Chree. Played with the four year old daughter of Hetty's roomate (some ridiculous name that I cannot pronounce). Let's just call her Bean (close enough). She was brilliant and beautiful and unspoiled by all the things to come in the future (just see us older gals to view this dilemma). Not a pretty sight. Went to both of the bars in town to get sick to my stomach with the emptiness of it all. Enough to make any woman feel desperate. At least in NY there is something to stare at in order to distract oneself from the painfully obvious fact that there is no one worth talking to, much less taking home. Then, Sunday - rain, cold, snow squalls (what?!!?). Went back to New Haven with Bri and Chree, listened to them squabble (being single isn't SO BAD after all). Set up some date with Ricky (aka snaggle puss) don't ask, bad teeth. Gave him yet another chance to stand me up (which he did). Don't know why I take it so personally. Had eaten a HUGE vegan brunch so was already depressed, then the snow, then the standing up - not a happy moment. Why I would chase after this mindless idiot whom (from my vague memories) has a great bod and a guido mentality I don't know. Boredom makes us do stupid things. Went to bed considering which ex-boyfriends I could recycle in order to make myself feel less lonely. Very sad. Then had dreams I was pregnant and in labor and that Jon was the father. I think the combination of brunch and general overeating all weekend, playing with perfect Bean and the misery of my old maidhood brought this about. The good thing was that I wasn't THAT fat even though I was about to give birth. Monday... On the train, dozing, drooling, wearing an ugly outfit. Get to work. Ugh. Feel like a loser. Try to catch the attention fo the cute designers eye, but then remember my attire and general bad attitude and go have a bagel with light butter and another coffee instead. Enough said. Skipping the gym. Going home to sleep and obsessivley do leg lifts while I watch Ali McBeal rerun. Not, obviously, in that order. Will try not to call any ex boyfriends tonight. 11:36:09 - 2000-04-10 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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