kiwifruit's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- On Cleansing and Being Crazy
Friday. I have been obsessed with a chocolate chip cookie from City Bakery since Wednesday. If you haven�t tried one�then DON�T. EVER. I made the mistake around a month ago and now I have fantasies about them, similar to the fantasies I have about owning a YSL ruched top or that pair of Olivia Morris cream colored stiletto ankle boots with the dragon tattoo on the side. So it�s 2:20 and I just sucked down a skim caramel latte pretending it was a cookie. Kind of worked. I�ve been trying to eat a little healthier post-holiday grazing. But it�s boring. I may sprout wings and fly away if I eat another chicken breast. Cluck. Cluck. Plus, we�re not really drinking this month, which means I�ve seen every movie known to man and been to the gym so much that my body is screaming in pain. I say �not really� because last Saturday, out to dinner at Chez Es Saada with a group of friends I decided that I could not sit in that atmosphere and not have a cocktail. Then J. got a phone call and found out that they had found parts of her father�s body from the WTC. Bottoms up. Saturday. 5:20pm. Woke up this morning in a funk. It has been difficult lately. I feel so lonely (New York can be a lonely town - sounds like a bad song doesn�t it?), and I tend to take it out on C., which just makes me feel like I�m far too needy and slightly nuts. Well, let�s face it, I am slightly nuts and a little needy. I dragged my crabby ass out of bed and despite my spasming back (yeah, yeah, I know�this constant back problem has got to be stress related), I went for a lovely run in the park. It was surprisingly warm and very sunny and I felt sufficiently cheered and not too spasm-y. Post-run I realized that I have a problem just letting things be. I have a hard time allowing myself to be happy. I spend so much time analyzing and fretting and worrying that at every moment I feel like I�m watching a movie of my life and not really participating in it. Believe me, this isn�t a real exciting movie, I don�t want to sit and watch, I want to live it in all it�s boring glory (oooh look, the star of the movie is squeezing her black heads again! I�m on the edge of my seat). So, in my newly found, sound state of mind (thank you endorphins) I realized that I had to deal with all this crap myself. C. can�t do it for me (and I�d hate him if he tried). Really, life isn�t that crappy except when you spend your time sitting around thinking about how crappy it is. And I have to learn how to relax. I have to learn how to breathe. Or maybe it�s as simple as not sitting around thinking about how I can�t breathe or relax. Anyway�after my good mind cleansing, we decided the apartment needed a good scrubbing too. Spent a good part of the day up to my elbows in Comet. Highlight of this process was C. cleaning out his closet. I can�t tell you the pleasure I got out of laughing hysterically at some of the relics he pulled out�seriously, I kid you not�pleatherpants. Pleather! Yikes. Went to the outrageously overpriced �pharmacy� this afternoon for some new face cream. I was informed that at a certain age a woman needs to make the move from her face lotion to a face cream. As in, you�re getting a little long in the tooth deary�that shit don�t bounce back like it used to. Gee thanks. At least the woman was kind enough to give me loads of samples to soften the blow, so now I�m all lubed up with Clarins day cream which has the consistency of a stick of butter. Also picked up a big bar of French honeysuckle soap (the kind in the gorgeous packaging that you hate to open) and a bunch of Kneipp bath oils for every purpose�de-stress, wake-up�happy, happy, joy, joy. Cleanse thy brain, cleanse thy apartment, cleanse thy bod. Staying in tonight to watch every past episode of Sex And The City on video and eat frozen yogurt with chocolate covered gummy bears while C. goes out with the boys to watch the Jets game. I have fresh copies of Elle and Lucky, I�m gonna put my p-jimmies on and be a total girl. Should have picked up a mud facial while I was at the pharmacy. La di da. La di da. 6:23 p.m. - 2002-01-12 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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